Why do men still train their girlfriends in school in hope of marrying her despite the experiences of other men?
This is a question that has been repeated in the last few days, and I will try to answer it.
First of all, no man set out looking for a woman to train in school so that he can marry her. No.
It’s not also like the man has so much money and was looking for the closest person to train in school and decided to train his girlfriend, No. It’s not always black and white.
I am writing this because as we are talking about Pastor Prosper Igboke who killed himself in Anambra after a girl he trained in School dumped him, there is someone somewhere today who just gave his girlfriend money for Final Year project.
There is another who just paid his girlfriend’s school fees and renewed her house rent and there is another one somewhere looking for Admission for his girlfriend or trying to secure a good hospital or bank for her internship.
It usually starts like every normal relationship with things going sweet, beautiful and rosey(they hardly tell us this part).
Then like we know, after 2 months in a relationship, all the infatuation will die off and people will begin to let their true self come out.
It’s at this point that the guy discovers that the gown she wore on the first date was actually her only presentable gown and that the wig was her sister’s own.
It’s at this point that the man will realize that some of the clothes she has been wearing were borrowed from her ugly friends who are now insulting her.
Typically, this should be the point for any man to withdraw and move on with his life, but men were not trained to be heartless. They were trained to provide, help and support. Men were not trained to leave anyone in their most vulnerable state.
Typically, what happens is that the guy tries to get the girl to open up to him and tell him what is really going on. The girl will refuse and insist that she wants to take care of her sh*t alone.
This is where it gets tricky. If you stop insisting for her to open up to you, then you will belong to league of men like us that are accused of hating women (when we actually love women so so much).
On the other hand, if you pressure her, you will give her your commitment which is more like covenant before she opens up.
You will be tricked into telling her that the two of you are now and that whatever affects her affects you, and that her problem is now your problem.
This is usually the point where she will start crying. You hold her tight and give her your word that whatever it is, you will stand by her.
She will then open the can of worms. However, at this point, you won’t be alarmed because you have been hoodwinked and you have made a vow to stand by her. So you start pitying her. The pity party usually ends with some hot and intense jsuksldvekñsjsvsjh.
That’s the night you adopted a daughter and lover in one person. You become the person she tells all her predicaments to. Anytime she needs anything, she’s now free to ask. You already know her predicament, so no need to ask, and she now asks with the same audacity that your daughter would ask for something.
You go ahead to start looking for a way to better her life and bring her upto the standards she presented herself on that first date.
This is the point where the guy starts paying for school fees, sending her to learn a skill and setting up a business for her.
This first scenario is a combination of trick, guilt, commitment, emotional blackmail and manipulation and pity.
The second scenario is out of future plans. This is where you find ndi Main Market Onitsha, Ogbete Enugu, Ogige Nsukka, Ariaria and Alaba International Market.
These set are usually people in their mid-20s, newly settled and newly starting up their businesses. Most likely, they have just made their first 1 million naira profit and finally, they can afford the kind of woman they want.
They can go for their true spec, no longer sales girls or Madam’s niece or ticket girl or groundnut seller. No! They can now afford their dream girls.
So, the guy with Newly bought Nigerian used Camry 2.2, he picks up a girl that matches his spec and things were going well.
Ndi Igbo si na ụra tọwa ụtọ, ekwowe ya ekwo. The man now believes that this is the woman for him. But the problem is that he is not fully balanced as he should be, and his girl also has nothing doing.
He wants to marry her and she wants to marry him but it’s dangerous getting married to rely on his small business.
This is usually the point where the man should withdraw but at this point, he is consumed by love and by the fact that he has never gotten this quality of woman before in his life, so he can take it all in.
This is the point where they start planning on how to build life together.
Maybe she should study nursing or other professional courses good for women.
Since he didn’t go to school, it’s not okay for his wife not to go to school and since he can’t leave his shop, let the wife be the one to go to school.
They talk to both parents about it. The girl’s parents warns him that they don’t have kobo, that’s why she’s teaching in a private secondary school since she passed WAEC with excellent results.
Emeka B-line will tell her parents not to worry, God will see them through.
Admission won’t be difficult because she is intelligent and school starts.
The plan is for her to graduate, have something doing, then they can marry and be able to put hands together and raise a decent family.
So aka weta, aka weta, ọnụ eju. The man will start struggling to train her, and make life comfortable for her in school. In this situation, he doesn’t see it that he is helping her, he sees it that he is helping himself and his family, building a better future for himself.
In school, from her performance in Academics, her Professors will start recommending her for their sons or nephews abroad.
We know how the story ends normally.
So my people, ejighi anya ọma aga ụka ekpere.
Them no dey use clear eye go prayer ministry instead of normal Sunday church.
I am writing this so that every man who is at the verge of entering this conundrum should know when to stop.
May we or our loved ones never fall victim of emotional fraud. Amen.