Things Fall Apart was not just a vivid insight into the precolonial Igbo land but the tragic story of two men; Okonkwo and his father, Unoka.
The two men lived totally different lives but both died very shameful deaths.
Unoka, a jolly good fellow, seemed to understand just how fleeting life is and decided to make the best of it.
He ate as he liked, danced and played his flute. He hated violence, war and anything that is tragic. Unoka was a man that saw life as an art to be appreciated, not a problem to be solved. The entire wars and struggle made no sense to him.
In a society where art was not appreciated and had nearly no economic value, Unoka, a greater master of the flute, whom even Ojazzy Igbo niile could not lace his shoes, was seen as a loafer and good for nothing, thus, unable to provide for his family.
It’s not like Unoka did not make any attempt to provide, it’s just that the demand on a man was too heavy for the Jolly good fellow. He went to the priestess to seek the intervention of the gods on his farm, but they shunned him, and told him that he was lazy, and that the only way was to go and clear virgin forests and farm there.
That, to Unoka, meant the gods didn’t want to help him, so he went home and continued his easy life.
Unoka didn’t give a damn about anybody’s opinion. Rather he made caricature of his creditors that came to collect their money.
He later became sick and his stomach began to swell. Swollen stomach was an abomination, just like chicken pox and measles in ancient times. So he was cast away to the evil forest to die, thus had no grave.
Okonkwo was Unoka’s son. Okonkwo’s life centered on the fear of ending up like his father. He didn’t want the shame and negative opinions people had about his father to be transferred to him.
For this, he persevered to be strong, powerful, masculine, fearless and courageous. He wanted a place amongst the glorious ancestors.
So at 18, he began his conquest and his name was heard above and beyond. He struggled from nothing to become one of the most powerful men of the society.
Everyone adored him as a fearless and courageous man, but beneath that figure, that greatness, that strength, the accomplishments and success, lies a man full of fear. Fear of people seeing him to be a son of his father.
In today’s world, he was a man that lived by people’s VALIDATION.
He didn’t think that his unbeaten wrestling record was enough validation. He didn’t think that acquiring so much wealth was enough validation. He didn’t think that being a man of honour and integrity without any crime nor bad name was enough validation.
It was why he killed Ikemefuna; that people may not see him as a weakling like his father. As a matter of fact, after he killed someone by accident and was exiled, he planned to take titles to get more validation upon his return.
It was also his quest for validation that made him kill the white man’s messenger.
In the end, Okonkwo hanged himself and died a worse death of shame than his father did. At least, Unoka’s kinsmen took him to the evil forest, but people of Umuofia were forbidden to touch Okonkwo’s corpse and he was buried by the strangers he so loathed.
Why am I telling this story on International Men’s day?
It is that the great sage, Chinụa Achebe must have seen the constant struggles of man in his prime and chosen to pass a message that everyone might not get at one grasp.
As a man, you have no reason to prove anything to anyone. Not to your children, not to your wife, not to your girlfriend, not to your friends, not to your parents and not to your society.
What made you a male is the fact that you were born with a pen!s. What makes you a man is that medically, you are 12 years old or constitutionally, you are 18 years old. Anything aside from this is the rambling of DRUNKARDS.
You are not expected to win a wrestling competition to prove that you are a man, neither are you expected to buy a car, build a house, impregnate a woman, provide for a family or fight in a war to prove that you are a man.
What makes you a male child is your pen!s and what makes you a man is your age. Any other thing is absolutely unnecessary and has absolutely NOTHING to do with your gender.
I am particular about this because we live in an age where useless and meaningless standards are manufactured daily to judge a man’s manhood, both by men and women.
While most women are busy building castles in the air about what a REAL man should be, some men on the other hand are advocating cruelty, heartlessness and wickedness as what qualifies one to be a real man, which in their words, they call Alpha Male.
Putting men under extreme pressure and extreme fear of not meeting up to Alpha Male or Real Men(Odogwu) Standards has resulted in the shameful, disgraceful and dishonourable deaths of men.
When was the last time you heard that a man aged 80 years old died? It’s men dying of heart attacks, high blood pressure, diabetes, stroke, accidents, liver and kidney diseases, work hazards, crimes, wars, etc. The prisons and cells are also full of men.
Today, as a man, do yourself a favour by disconnecting the ties you have with seeking validation. Don’t live like Okonkwo and don’t die like Okonkwo.
For Okonkwo’s biggest fear was being like his father, but at the end of the day, his father was better than him, because while anyone could die of fibroid, only weak, defeated and hopeless men kill themselves.
Unfortunately, many men are killing themselves today to prove that they are men enough. Most men are depriving themselves of the joys of loving and being loved to prove that they are Alpha Male.
Most men are killing themselves to fund the lifestyle of wretched gir*ls with high taste, just to prove that they are real men.
Stop it, you are not in a law court and you have no case to prove.
Lastly, men must learn to maintain a balance between Unoka’s life and Okonkwo’s life. While both men were good men based on morality, one feared responsibility while the other feared people’s opinions.
We must adopt their moral standards, throw away Unoka’s folly, adopt Okonkwo’s sense of responsibility, hard work and tenacity, then throw away Okonkwo’s fears of what people would say, and do only the things that feel all right with our hearts.
Happy International Men’s day