“…You know, when one is about to do something he knows that it is not good at all, he will start looking for quotes, proverbs and parables to justify his dishonest behavior.
For Chukwuma and I, it was, “Na Condition make crayfish bend”. After all, according to Falz, “this is Nigeria, everybody be…”
That’s how we calculated all our problems, including the house rent that would soon expire, our girlfriends that were currently in their prime and would soon be asking us, “where is this relationship heading to?”
We concluded that we would have to do the “needful”. After all, the owner of the bar could have built it with money that was looted from the government coffers. If these people weren’t looting our funds, we would have had jobs and won’t need to use sharp practices to make money.
These were things we told ourselves to guard against our consciences beating us up for stealing the money of a fellow hardworking Nigerian. But then, we weren’t the first set of people to do that. It’s what everyone else does.
So, the following week, we started our side hustle inside someone’s hustle. And because we’ve built a good reputation, we were making more money than those who taught us the way.
Things were going fine for us now. At least we can now take our girlfriends out, have fun, change clothes, cook good food and live like human beings.
It was within this period that I got to know how people who receive meagre salaries in this harsh economy manage to survive. It’s just a thieving cycle.
Those who receive 20k salaries, end up making extra 80k from other work related corruption and sharp practices. In Civil Service, they institutionalized some of these sharp practices. You must drop something before they move your file from one desk to another in their bureaucratic bottle necked system.
One other thing I didn’t take notes of was the level of envy, jealousy and wickedness that reign supreme in Nigerian working places.
It wasn’t long that we started cashing out from our corruption before those who showed us the way set us up to be caught, just because we were making more money than them.
We met our Waterloo when those people reported us to the owner of the place. The owner then arranged for his friends from another town to come and drink and pretend to be dead drunk, while recording the whole thing.
As usual, we inflated the bills, didn’t record upto 10 bottles that they took. They paid and everyone was happy.
The following day, Oga came and played the video and showed us the records.
E don be for Duke and Chukwuma. We are now back to the streets.
Ọ bụ onye ka anyị ga a kọrọ akụkọ ụwa anyi?
DUKE THE NIGERIAN
(WORKING IN NIGERIA, Season 7; Episode 3) was brought to you by Ugwuagbo Emmanuel Chizoba Daniel (Zoba De Great)